Of ink, sincerity and fine.
I started the second quarter of 2023 with a mixture of melancholy, desolation, bitterness, effervescent and a hint of enthusiasm. Instead of saying ‘I’m fine’, I would now say ‘I’m not too bad’, in slowly lifting the heavy parts in me. If you knew what happened to me in March, you would know that my self esteem and confidence shattered; horribly. My puppy came by my side of the bed in the mornings, ready to give me all the cuddles I needed ; sometimes with a toy in her mouth. She still does the same now, when she could sense my spirits are low. I got to watch The 1975 perform live again after 7 years. It really was a feels trip when they did ‘Sex’, ‘Somebody Else’, ‘It’s not Living if It’s not With You’ and ‘About You’. The 21 and 24 year old Winnie got to feel the closure in some many songs.
I watched my body go from autopilot mode (a survival mode that your mind and body switch on when it’s not in its best state) to ‘fixing’ itself. If you’ve watched Pixar’s Inside Out, you would understand that your body and mind knows when and how to protect your entire being when it encounters any form of danger/harm. For example, anxiety happens when stressors such as overwhelmingness are triggered. It could be being in a new place etc. For me, I slowly picked myself up with the help from friends and family and took one day at a time. My body and mind slowly grew from the harshest season of my year.
This led me to get my second tattoo. My first is my traditional Chinese name in my maternal grandfather’s handwriting that carries a deep meaning. The design of the second one is my constellation sign, Leo but instead of stars, it is with my favourite flowers. Tulip bulbs for forgiveness, gladiolus for healing and peonies for love. When a lion fights, it fights bravely. One would say also unapollegatically as well. When the lion loses in a battle, it always takes its own time to forgive itself and heal and love; gently and kindly. Flowers on the other hand, always grow back even after the harshest seasons.
That was what I watched my body and mind went through in the past weeks. I took (still am, in fact) my time to gently heal the wounds and kindly speak the harshest and darkest thoughts and feelings in me; to love and forgive all the parts that people don’t see. A tattoo that is the epitome of kind strength. Truthfully, I can’t tell you whether I am ready to face what the next 8 months will be like but whatever it is, I think my body will know what to do during the ups and the downs.
Till next time, dear reader! ♥
